So, it’s done; that one last thing I had to do before this trip can really go down. Inhale. I told my job that I’ll be leaving after the new year. Exhale.
As some of you may know, this was the one piece of the whole puzzle that I had been dreading. I really like my job, especially the people I work with, and was not looking forward to sharing this news. I even had a few nightmares about it at one point. Deep down I knew that my co-workers would be supportive, but talking to other people created fears of negative feelings and the possibility of me getting let go if I shared too far in advance. If I’m being honest, I knew none of those things would happen, but I still wanted to wait long enough that I would be 1000% sure that I could go through with everything before I spilled the beans. Afterall, if I never left my job, I didn’t have to and really couldn’t go. So, sharing with work was the one last safety net in place in case I chickened out as January approached.
But, about a week and a half ago, I saw my chance, and I went for it! I was nervous all morning, drinking way more water than usual and going over in my head what exactly I would say. By late morning, I was tired of torturing myself and just blurted it all out! While it wasn’t the most graceful speech I’ve given or the most comfortable conversation I’ve had, my news was received well. Huge relief! While everyone is sad to see me go, and I am sad to go, they are supporting me in taking this chance, which does make it a little easier to do. And now I can talk about it at work! Weird! Although, if I had thought it wise, I would have talked about it all along. It was hard not sharing!
Surprisingly, breaking this news was not the moment that everything suddenly felt real triggering a “this is really happening” freak out. That’s what I was expecting, but no, nothing. It still doesn’t feel like I, Shera, am actually going to do this. Maybe it is because I still have a lot to accomplish at work and at home before it’s time to depart and I am starting to feel limits on the amount of time I have left to get these things done. Maybe it’s because there are still 68 days until I leave and it won’t hit until later. Or maybe it’s because things are falling nicely into place, I’m ready and there won’t be a freak out? It is hard to say, but I guess I’ll find out soon enough.